I dont' get it....

How is it my fault that you won't talk to me about what we owe for rent, our finances on your end, that you aren't going to work each day, and that apparantly I'm "not helping" you? I thought since I am taking care of 5 kids, doing a big majority of the household chores, doing all grocery shopping, making sure the bills are paid, being a chauffeur, taking care of the everyone on ALL holidays (including making sure the kids have presents, family, food, christmas light looking, trick or treating, easter baskets, etc), and all the other 9004759834534734 things that I do around here, I was helping. Yeah, maybe I don't have a 40 a week job that is garaunte payday, but last time I checked neither do you! I'm trying to be as creative as I can, to make a bit of money on the side. You know that is why I do my sweepstakes. Hell, you've even benifited from my wins- who got the Ipod Shuffle? The Norelco Body Goomer? Don't you get to download songs on the computer I won? And all the free food coupons, hell the Freschetta ones alone are almost $100 of free pizza!!!! Yeah, I do spend money when I go to the thrift store. Look around- are you having to spend hundreds of dollars on clothes for the kids each year? No, because I shop for everyone at the thrift store, or on super cheap clearance. I don't have the luxury of spending $50 on a damn sweatshirt, or $40 on new shoes. Sometimes I would love to buy brand spanking new things too. Just like the stupid fan you bought. $50 on one little fan, when you easily could have bought 3 of the stand fans for that price, so the kids would have one in their room, and one for our bedroom. I hate that you only think of yourself. If you don't ever wnat to put me first, thats fine. But damn't- PUT YOUR KIDS BEFORE YOURSELF!!!!! I'm not saying all the time, but half the time would be nice! Their needs should always come first!!!

911 & The Cops

Well I finally did it. I finally called the police on my husband. No he didn't hurt me or the kids. Well not in the sense that most would think right off. He felt the need to get drunk again and come home like that. And I finally have had it! My mom came and took the kids to her house, so they didn't have to be around him. Not sure if the police were taking him to his brothers house to sleep it off, or if they would have to take him to jail, because of his warrant for missing court due to traffic tickets. I just don't know how to take control of my life again. It scares me, to try to raise my kids on my own. I am basically doing it now, but trying to pay the rent, all the bills, and all the extras, by myself has me scared to leave. :( You would think that his family would mean more to him, than the damn alcohol. But it doesn't. My mom keeps telling me that he will never change. I know he won't. He has been given chance after chance after chance. But someone who cares about his family, shouldn't even have needed anything after the first chance, right?

Randomnicity

It's Tuesday night, and we are watching Hell's Kitchen. My dh, who is holding the baby for me, looks over at me and asks, "what is his name again?". OMG. I actually thought he was joking for a second. Nope. He actually could not remember his month old sons name. grrrrrrrrr.

My poor poody is sick. I hate when my kids don't feel good, but hate it even more for my newborn. He is so stuffy- I've been sucking his nose out with the nose sucker, but there is a ton of crap farther down that isn't coming out. Today his eye started pushing out gunk. :( Brandon & Andrew both went thru this not that long ago, and were feeling better within a few days. I am hoping Josh feels better soon too. I know it is just a cold, but if he isn't feeling better by this weekend, then I'm going to take him to the ER. His medical doesn't kick in until next week, so off to the ER we will go.

I absolutely love breastfeeding! It is so much work- constantly sitting down with Josh, not being able to hop right up and see what the kids are sneaking out of the fridge, dealing with sore nips. But there is nothing in the world like rocking quietly with him in my arms, talking to him, and watching him drift to sleep. I crack up every time I see him do the "eyes rolling back in the head, because he is in a milk daze". lol

I've already had to start pulling out outfits that are too small. :( I know this is our last baby, but I'm finding it hard to get rid of the clothes. I had no problem bagging up my maternity clothes to sell. But a lot of the baby things, Andrew & Brandon wore. Heck, I think I even have a few things that Mikey wore too. Is it so awful to love the newborn stage so much?